Monday, September 24, 2012

I'm a Work in Progress...

I recently starting leading a Bible Study on the Proverbs 31 woman.  I have done several studies on this lady, I don't feel I will ever measure up, but didn't think there was much else I could learn about her that I haven't already learned.
That's where I was completely wrong.
I began praying that God would work in my heart, that He would mold me into the woman He would have me to be. 
I thought I was ok.
I thought my marriage was ok.
I thought my relationship with my kids was ok.
It was ok, but it wasn't what God wanted.  He wanted more.  More of me.
Little things started happening.  I was getting frustrated.  Blaming Satan for trying to mess with my head before my Bible Study.  My kids would be running around like crazy just minutes before I was to leave.  For example, last week my floors had just been cleaned, I was finishing up my lesson for the evening, when Autumn came into my room and said Cody dropped the watermelon.  He was rolling the watermelon on my counter and it rolled off and splattered all over the floor.  Watermelon, watermelon juice, watermelon seeds...everywhere.  Did I mentioned the floors had just been cleaned?  Poor Cody, he kept saying, "I'm sorry, mom.  I'm really, really sorry, mom."  Me?  I broke down in tears.  I told him to sit and not move while I cleaned it up.  As I finished cleaning up the watermelon mess, he spilled a cup of orange juice all over the table, and yes, all over the floor.  Poor kid.  I didn't handle the situation like I should have. 
My tears were unnecessary.  My words were harsh.
I cleaned up the orange juice, sent the kids to their room and I went to mine.  I cried.  "God, I'm supposed to lead about study about being a godly wife and mother, and here I am in my room crying over a watermelon.  What is wrong with me?  Why is Satan attacking me like this?"
This is when I heard God speak.  Not in an audible voice, but in my heart.  He reminded me that I had been praying for Him to mold me into a more godly woman.  And He is gently showing me areas in my life that I need to work on (ie how I respond to watermelon all over my floor). 
Once He started showing me things that needed to change in my comfortable life, I complained and blamed Satan.  He {Satan} gets too much credit sometimes.
I was comfortable being an ok mom, being an ok wife, being an ok friend.  But I asked God to mold me into His image, to help me to be a woman that pleased Him.  When He showed me what I needed to work on, I stiffened up a bit.  But God, look at everything I do, isn't that good enough?
No, it's not.
He wants more of me.  He wants my all.  And honestly, I wasn't giving it my all.  I settled into a comfortable routine and stuck with it.  I got lazy.  My husband deserves more of me.  My kids deserve more of me.  My God...He deserves ALL of me.
So, God, here is my life.  I'm ready to take it to the next level. 
To be like Christ, to be Christlike...this ought to be our goal as Christians. It's my goal.
Make me, mold me, fill me, use me
Help me to never settle for the mundane life.  I always want to press toward the prize, forgetting the things which are behind me (tears over a watermelon), and reaching forth unto those things which are before.
"Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended:
but this one thing I do,
forgetting those things which are behind,
and reaching forth unto those things which are before.
I press toward the mark for the prize
of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 3:13-14
By the way, after my time alone with the Lord that day.  I called my son into my room and apologized to Him for being upset.  I asked Him to forgive me, and He graciously did.  Oh, to have the forgiving spirit of a little one.  His mommy is far from perfect, but she won't settle for living the mundane life. 
I understand I don't often show my heart like this, but God has been working and I felt I ought to share.  Hope it's an encouragement.  Don't always blame Satan, God is far more powerful, and He loves you!